Get Your Older Child Used to the New Baby
By: Lucy Cope
(Children’s book author and proud mother of two)
So, you’ve brought a brand new baby home, you’re exhausted, you’re spouse is exhausted, and your older child is having a little trouble coping with the new addition to the family. It’s always been just the three of you and now it’s the four of you. Your new baby is receiving more attention because she has more needs, but your older child just doesn’t seem to understand that. Many families face the dilemma of having an older child that feels left out or less important when a new baby comes into the picture.
I’m sure you think that your older child will never feel the same, and some of you may feel as if you’ve somehow hurt your older child by having another child. It’s natural for the older child to have some jealousy toward a new baby, but you can easily ease your child into accepting the new member of the family and bring your children together as close and bonded siblings.
Introduce Sharing
It is important to introduce the idea of sharing early on because this will be challenge for a good portion of your children’s childhood. The best way my husband and I have introduced sharing with my older son, is with food. If we are eating something, we share it with him and then we say something like, “We love to share with you.” When he is eating something, we ask for a bite and then positively reinforce the behavior by saying, “Thank you. You are so good at sharing.” When he plays with a toy, we play with him and ask him which one is ours to play with. We always tell him how wonderful he is, so he is always more than happy to share with us. When you introduce the idea of sharing with you, he will be used to the idea of sharing with others.
When the new baby is born, it is important that you get the older child a “big brother” or a “big sister” present. Something we did with my son was to give him a couple of the stuffed animals given to the baby. We told him that the baby likes to share with him because he is so special. He can also see sharing in a positive light in this way. Some of our friends and family also got him a “big brother” present, so he wouldn’t feel left out. The baby doesn’t know the difference yet, and my older son felt like the new baby was just as special and important.
He’s “My” Baby
A great way to get your older child used to having a new baby around is to tell the older child that it is their baby. Tell them that they can help mommy take care of the new baby. Let them do little things to help out with the baby like get diapers or clothing, so that they feel like they are a part of the whole thing. Get the older child their own baby. When I had my second baby, we got my older son his own baby with a blanket and a bottle. He loved the idea and felt like he was taking care of his baby too.
My son and I play the “that’s my baby” game. My son is definitely in the “mine” stage and we use it to our advantage. When we can see that he’s having a little trouble with the attention the baby is getting, we just say, “That’s my baby!” and of course, he starts to argue with us and says the baby is his. He will hug him and kiss him on top of his little bald head and say, “No, that’s my baby brother!” It’s sweet and it’s also a great way to get him into having a baby around.
Treat Them the Same
I know this one may seem like a duh, but many people make the mistake of forgetting that the first one was the baby before the new baby came along. That is to say that the first one was the baby and was treated like the baby since he was born and then the baby comes along and all of the sudden he is the big kid. While it is important that your child grows up and gains independence, you should not stop doting on them as you did before. This will only make them feel worse if you do stop. If you are kissing the babies tummy, then turn around and kiss your big kids tummy too.
Your child needs to have the impression that you love them both the same and one is not more important than the other. My husband and I felt silly playing with our three-year-old in the same way that we played with the baby, but we found that it made him feel better. My son LOVES his baby brother. He is very sweet with him and it is because we have done these things to make him feel just as loved and happy as he did before the baby came around.
The Potty Thing
Many people complain that their child was perfectly potty trained before the baby came along and then started regressing because the baby had diapers. My son did not particularly have trouble in this area, but some people say that their kids do. Regression is perfectly normal in older children with new babies. We allow our son to watch us change his brother’s diaper, but we just tell him that it is yucky and he will have to help us teach him how to use the potty when he’s older. We tell him that we are so proud of him that he doesn’t have any yucky pants because he is so big. He seems to be content with that. Different things work for different children, but I would say that you should continue to praise your children for using the potty appropriately.
A new baby can be a happy, but stressful time for a family. It is important to always include your older child as much as possible in having a new baby around. You should implement sharing and never treat them differently than you did before the baby was born. Your children will get along famously and you will be glad you have implemented these techniques.
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This Article was brought to you by: Lucy Cope
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